The Days of Our Lives

Maternity Photos

2011-11-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

A little late...however, I'm so excited to have these. Marielle Hayes took amazing pictures of me at 36 weeks!!! I didn't get the chance with my last pregnancy to do maternity pictures because it ended so quickly. If you notice my necklace it means the world to me. Brian bought it for me for Mother's Day, it has 2 October birthstones (for the girls), and a little boy's shoe in honor of Ryder.

Charlotte's birth was so bitter-sweet. Brian and I agreed to have 2 children prior to marriage, and with the birth of the twins we thought we had hit the jackpot!! We didn't know that Ryder's fate was not meant to be here on earth with us at the time. I truly believe that if it wasn't for his death our perfect little princess would not be here with us today. I rejoiced and mourned with her birth, but today I am without words as to the level of happiness she has brought to my life.

As I write this Charlotte is officially 4 weeks old. I can't believe that I was pregnant for 38 weeks and 5 days, and now my precious baby is here and already a month old. I need to take the time and write about her birth, but right now I'm just excited to share these photos of the magical time of my pregnancy!

a BabyGirl Update...

2011-08-31T08:50:00.001-07:00

I'm writing today with a more positive outlook, a happy heart, and a stress level that has gone down to a 3 versus a 10!!! That in itself is something to be excited about!!!

Have I mentioned that my husband is out of town this week in Las Vegas, in a class that is non-refundable (and the cost was enormous), plus a hotel room, plus a rental car...which equals I'm on my own....I guess I will add that my mom is here in the event something happens :-) That alone was enough to send any sane human being over the edge in a time of worry, let alone a time of crisis. After my appointment with Dr. Klaich yesterday I am much more confident that there will be no baby in his absence!!!

So...on with the update. Dr. Oki is my Perinatologist, and he might just be the nicest human being on this planet. We have spent 3 days a week with this incredible man for the past 3 weeks, and yesteday I got to go back to my regular OB, Dr. Klaich. Dr. Oki and Klaich spoke extensively about my current condition, and are each going to see me once a week to monitor the baby.

IUGR causes stillbirth, and Klaich told me that he is extremely confident that with monitoring of the baby 2 times per week we will be able to avoid any instance of stillbirth because they will be able to see it in the monitoring. From what I understand they are able to predict the instance of stillbirth based on Non-Stress tests...crazy technology. I will be seeing Klaich every Tuesday and Oki every Friday. Klaich will be monitoring me, and Oki will be monitoring me plus doing growth and umbilical dopplers to assess the bloodflow from the placenta.

I have my next doppler reading on Friday, at that appointment we will be able to see if the bloodflow into the umbilical cord has completely stopped, or if its just attempting to. If its stopped we go to the hospital, if it hasn't we go on with life on the left side and that lovely 70 grams of protein a day!

Right now I continue to be appointment to appointment because there is really no reversing what has already been done, but if we can make it to 36 weeks (only 4 weeks away) they are going to take the baby then. This just happens to fall the same week as London's birthday. How ironic is it that regardless of due dates we will have babies which were conceived on the exact same day, 3 years apart, born at the same time. **Irony at its best**

Until next time...

Holy Cow...A Blog Post

2011-08-23T02:14:00.000-07:00

It has not just been a while, it has been years since I posted a new post, however at 2:15 am with the inability to sleep I feel that I must just update everyone on this crazy thing we call life.

I sit here 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our 3rd baby only to realize that at this time of my last pregnancy I was 2 hours into the grieving process of losing Ryder, and holding onto hope that London would pull through it all. I have rarely spoken about the night of Ryder's actual death to anyone other than my counselor and Brian.

I left the hospital after he died about an hour after I held him for the first and last time to go home to tell everyone what had just happened. As I look at the clock now I realize that I was on my way back to check in to go and take pictures with London just in case she didn't make it through the night too. I remember telling Brian "no tears, I want these to be happy pictures." I look back at the pictures and think, these were not happy pictures, these were the "get the job done" pictures...I just laugh to myself now. It's amazing how much time heals all wounds, but has a great way of opening up new ones in places you never thought possible.

BabyGirl has been through an incomprehensible amount of testing, poking and prodding in the past few weeks. She has asymmetric intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). We found this out last week at my regular perinatologist appointment. At the time my doctor told me that we would just monitor her though non stress tests, and continue to check her weight. Her stomach isn't growing as it should be, which tells them she is not getting the nutrients that she needs, and her liver is falling behind in growth. At her appointment she was only 2 pounds 9 ounces (exactly what Ryder weighed at birth) and in the 8th percentile...anything under the 10th percentile is considered IUGR.

If her exact weight wasn't hard enough for me to swallow last Tuesday morning, we learned today that there is not a constant supply of blood going from her placenta to her umbilical cord where she is receiving her nutrients. In so many terms when her heart beats it pushes blood through, but when it contracts the bloodflow almost stops. The Dr. told me that we aren't alarmed yet, however when (when I ask...yes when) the bloodflow stops on the contraction part of the heartbeat he will then hospitalize me. This most likely leads to the blood actually flowing backwards on the contraction of the heart, at which time they will take the baby within 3-5 days.

I'm not exactly sure what to think, say or do...all that I know is that I am incapable of talking about it, so here it is for the world to see and read about :-) So...I will go back to hanging out on my left side, counting kicks every 3 hours, and eat 70 grams of protein a day...yes 70 grams. So if any of you have some creative ideas on how to get 70 grams a day into a diet without wanting to puke by the end of the day I'm all ears!!!

Until next time!!!

Hilarious

2009-05-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

The girls were jumping on the trampoline and London was screaming with delight/she was freaked out...we weren't sure which one so we just laughed...Enjoy this video!

So...does London resemble her dad much???

Mother's Day...

2009-05-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

So...I have been a complete blogger-slacker! I got a Facebook account, and I forget that I have a blog that people read as well. Well, London is officially 7 months old! I cannot believe how the time has flown, and that it has been so long since our world turned upside down.

I celebrated my first Mother's Day...the most bitter-sweet day of my life. No one should have to spend their Mother's Day at the graveside of their son, or daughter for that matter!

Ryder's headstone was set on the Thursday before, and it is beautiful! It is everything and more than we expected it would be. It was a hard and crushing realization that he truly isn't ever coming back, and we actually buried our son. When his headstone wasn't there you could almost live in a state of denial that you were visiting someone else's child. The harsh reality is that we visit our child....it says so now...

We spent Sunday in Winnemucca with my mom...She decided that London needed to experience a creme pouf! UUUGGGGHHHH, it was adorable, but I guess that's what Grandma's get to do, give them a tummy ache and send them on a 2 hour car ride! I can't wait to be a Grandma!!

Let's Walk....

2009-04-11T14:18:00.001-07:00

Please walk with London, Brian and myself on April 25th and donate to the March of Dimes, and in remembrance of our precious Ryder James. I have set a reasonable goal of $500, which I know we can meet.

Please visit our team website in honor of Ryder and become a part of our team! We can't wait to see you there!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/teams/707669

Las Vegas

2009-04-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

We went to Las Vegas to visit Trevor and Calee, but also just to get out of the house for a weekend, while Brian went to a conference for Local Ad Link. The kids and I spent the day at the pool (which mind you, I had to come to the sad realization, that a cover-up and tankini are now a part of my beach garb...no more cute bikini with my cute flat tummy, and curvaceous rear...its just another mere realization that I have become a mother, with a shapely body, that is in desperate need of a gym and the lack of Coke), I didn't take as many pictures as I would have liked because, having an infant at the pool does not call for camera time...It's constant "Mommy pay attention to me" time!!

I had to get London a "rash guard" instead of a cute swimming suit to go "whimming with da fishies" because her skin is so fair! All in all, I still think she's pretty stinking cute!!

I love the look on the boy's (Brian's and Chandler's) in these pictures.

A BIG Day

2009-03-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

London officially can wear 3-6 month's clothing...A sad day for me, I have come to the realization that my 2 pound baby is growing up!!

Cute London Photos

2009-03-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

Lola has been a little jealous since London came home...so I allowed her to snuggle with London. Although, she still pretty much hates her!

Rice Cereal...I'm over it...Food is overrated!!! My daughter has no use for it!

I got the brilliant idea to put London in the shower with her Daddy....cute huh??? Well that was until I looked at her and her arms and legs were completely purple, and she stopped breathing. Yup, that is right, she held her breath in the shower, it was a little scary. We will stick to "wimming with da fishies" in the bathietub!

And then there's the Bumbo...she is getting better, but this picture is hilarious. I shouldn't make fun of my daughter, but come on, this is the funniest baby photo ever!

London Laughs!

2009-03-10T12:55:00.001-07:00

It's true! Her five month birthday, proved to us that she is a little giggler!!!

Light A Candle In Remembrance

2009-02-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

So some days I have really bad days and I decide to do things like watch YouTUBE videos to make myself feel better about people who have also lost a child. This some days helps me to realize that I am not the only one out there who is suffering from this pain.

I started seeing a grief counselor and she told me that I was doing terrific, and validated my feelings of sometimes hating other pregnant women. I'm not talking pregnant women who have the means necessary to raise a child, whether it be monetarily or emotionally. I hate the young girls who are just able to get pregnant on a whim after their rendezvous with their boyfriends in the front seat of his mustang. Or the young girls in their 20's not married, 4 kids already, with no means to support the next one. Or what about the ones you see smoking while pregnant? Or even better, when you are driving down the road, and you peer over to the person next to you...they are smoking, with 3 children in car seats in the back, and the windows rolled up?

I never used to think twice while driving past the abortion clinic, looking at the protesters waving their signs saying "Support Life." Oh, I thought, it should be a woman's right to choose...or should it? The other night I felt inclined to get out of my car and light a candle with all of the other people there. How is it that there are so many unwanted children in this world, but their mother's are so selfish they will not give them to the one's who can take care of them? How is it that some let abuse happen at the hands of other men in their homes, and choose to do nothing about it because they are selfish?

I have to constantly question how it is that I ate everything perfectly, I never would even go into a casino where there would be smoking, I was married, we wanted our baby and the Lord took him, but yet he allows other women the ability to continue to produce them like a baby factory, and he takes that pleasure of motherhood away from some, and some he just never gives it to.

How is it that our insurance paid over $250,000 for London to be brought into this world, and a fraction of that we have to pay ($5,000), yet these women of baby factories can take our tax dollars and receive free medical care...and I still have to pay for that? Did you know that we still had to pay about $2000 for Ryder, and he's not even here anymore, plus I had to take our COBRA package to the tune of $900 a month, just so insurance would pay a portion of that $250,000, but yet everyday that I didn't re-up my COBRA plan the business office was screaming down my throat because I would have been held liable for the portion after my insurance policy terminated!

Am I on a soap box or what....I really started this post to tell you about a memorial site that I created for Ryder. Visit www.gonetoosoon.org and you can search for him by Ryder Williams or look in Reno, Nevada...searching in Reno seems to be the easiest way to find him! I would love to hear what you think about this all, and maybe in a couple of days I will continue on my soap box...right now I need to go get in the shower!

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHH....She SMILES!!!!!!

So...

2009-02-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday this week, I finally did it. I got up the strength to order Ryder's headstone. I hadn't done it yet because I knew that it was the last thing to do. I felt it appropriate as I took him his monthly balloons, on their "birthday" to finally get it done.

I was finally ready to do it. I hadn't done it previously because it was the last thing to do, other than write my thank you notes (sorry guys, I just haven't had it in me to do it, please know that I thank you!!)

So we walked in, "no tears" I promised myself, this is a happy time, a time of remembrance. Sister Ophelia remembered us, and she couldn't wait to pick up London from her car seat and parade her around the office.

As I sat with Brian, "no tears," I looked through the books to find just the perfect memorial for my perfect little man! How would I ever find the perfect thing, nothing is ever perfect...until I turned to page C-408. A headstone with 3 balloons...3 balloons, how juvenile, yet how incredibly perfect. I laughed as the date on the picture said December 1983. Ironic, that is my birthday.

Ryder's "It's a Boy" balloon lasted over 7 weeks in the corner of our bedroom, we take him balloons every month on his birthday, one white balloon to send him, and a blue balloon for each month, this month it was 4! How fitting to have balloons.

I can't wait to post a picture of it, but it says:

"Our Perfect Son"
Ryder James Williams
October 4-5, 2008
"Mommy, Daddy, and London Love You!"

We debated over and over again how to write the last line, I wasn't budging on Mommy and Daddy, and I really felt that I needed to tie in London, as she was...still is, his twin, but how to do it without the other kids? We didn't have enough room, so after a prayer, we felt that the other kids would understand the special link...I hope! We will explain it to them when it gets here.

Here is a video that I have been working on, it isn't done, I have tons more to add to the beginning, but I hope that you enjoy it so far!

Make sure your sound is on!

London's First Walk

2009-02-02T14:17:00.001-08:00

So I took London on her first walk...well, it was only around the block to get the mail, but either way...it was still fun!!!

Look at this Cute Bug!

2009-01-13T22:26:00.000-08:00

London is my little Love Bug!!! Is this not the cutest face you have ever seen?

Babies are 3 Months Old

2009-01-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

How does one explain the feelings that I feel everyday? How do you explain how it feels to look at a month go by with your baby here and celebrate, and mourn each day as well? What would he be doing? How would he react? How in the world would I take care of two babies, one is so hard!

When does it get easier? When do I stop questioning everything, and accept that our Heavenly Father took our little miracle for a reason? When do I stop being angry and just accept that I wasn't meant to have him on Earth? I was used in the Lord's plan, yet I feel so selfish because I am the one who wanted him!

The babies turned 3 months yesterday, and it has been 3 months today since our baby boy left us.

Dear Mommy,

I know how much you love me, And I know how much you care. I know you are still wishing that I were still there. I know this day is hard for you, And I know you will probally cry, And God knows your hurting too, he understands just why, for he gave his son, so I could be an angel in the sky. I wish I could be there to wipe away your tears. But I am up here with Jesus now. And in some future year, we will all be together, and there will be no more tears. And we will get to know each other just like we wanted to. But for now, just know I love you. And Jesus loves you too. My Father here in Heaven wathces over me for you.

I love you little man!!!

Candle Lighting

2008-12-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys!!

I was reading my cousin's blog, and my other cousin had found a website in support of her for people who have had children pass on at any age. This year there is a candle lighting ceremony to be held on Saturday, December 14th. The goal is to light a beautiful candle in memory of the person/person's lost at 7:00 pm (local time) to create a wave of white light that can be viewd from heaven. Check out the site: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx

I am mustering up the strength to write about my beautiful baby boy and I think that this may just get the ball rolling. So, if you wouldn't mind, just light a candle in honor of Ryder James and Brenda.

Last night, actually this morning, at 3:30 I was changing London's diaper when I peered into the corner at Ryder's balloon.

Let me back up...Shanna, Will, and kids brought us an "It's a Girl," and "It's a Boy," balloon on the night that the babies were born, London's balloon went down in a flash, but Ryder's is still full of helium and floating in the corner of our room....Ironic or what?

So, it's my little reminder of him and I kiss it all the time and actually talk to it. Some might call me crazy, and well if you saw me talking to a balloon you might feel the same way, but it is my little piece of sanity to know that he is floating around and watching over us as we sleep, and laugh at me as I do silly things like shake a bottle without a lid on it at 4:00 in the morning.

Okay, back to my story...I peered into the corner to see a little boy in the corner with his balloon. As I realized that it was Ryder, London began to smile and almost giggle. I actually woke Brian up to tell him that Ryder was in our room, I think he thought I was crazy, or maybe he thought he was dreaming...either way I know what I saw. (Note: I am typing super fast because I am so excited to tell this story). As London nursed she kept choking and giggling. She hasn't laughed, she hasn't ever even smiled more that just gas, and here she is giggling. Ryder, I have determined is a little prankster, and he thought it was funny to play with his sister and keep his mommy up all night!!!

Anyways, I think about that little man all the time...I cry all the time, and some may say, "She looks so strong." And I just reply, "If only you knew."

Please light a candle for one hour on Saturday, maybe even send me a picture of it lit so that I can post how many people love him, and put it in a scrapbook for London! I would love it, and it would mean so much!

London's 2 Months!!

2008-12-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, please say a prayer for my cousin Brenda, who passed away last night from leukemia. She passed on exactly 2 months from the day Ryder did and almost to the same hour. She passed at 9:55 and he parsed at 11:45, I am confident that she is with him and taking care of him until I can get there.

On a lighter note, London turned 2 months on Thursday, and she is the cutest bug that I have ever seen!!!

A Few London Photos

2008-11-24T20:43:00.000-08:00

Since Brian is playing with the baby, I thought that I would post a couple London pictures from today.

She had to have another eye test done today (the joys of having a premature baby). They had to put retractors in her eyes and swab them, then look to make sure that the vessels that connect to the retina are growing the way that they should be...and so far so good.

So I thought that for our first outing out of the house together today that I would get her all fancied up!

What do you think of my angel??!?!?!?

Darby and Daddy Date Night

2008-11-24T20:30:00.000-08:00

So...I deserve the "Step-Mom of the Year Award"...NOT!!!!

On the 22nd the Father Daughter Ball was supposed to be Daddy and Darby date night, but I just thought like the silly individual that I am that they could just get tickets at the door. To my surprise however there were no tickets available and a waiting list a mile long the night before the dance.

I stressed to even tell Brian and let him bribe his way at the door, and act as though I didn't know. That wouldn't work, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.
I put an ad on Craigslist thinking that someone may see it, and offered $100 stinking dollars for two tickets...No luck!

So, I broke the news to Brian, and he in turn had to break Darby's heart. I felt awful...so we compromised. Brian took Darby on a date to Bricks (NOTE: Brian and I have yet to go to Bricks together), and to a movie. So she got all dressed up in her Ball dress and I did her hair fancy, and off to dinner and a movie they went!

She felt like a princess and got some much needed Daddy-Darby time!

Welcome Home London

2008-11-19T18:29:00.001-08:00

Ironically enough London made her grand debut in our driveway at 12:08 pm today...the same time that she was born 6 weeks and 4 days ago!!! Welcome home baby girl!!!

London is Coming Home!!!

2008-11-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

We have great news...London gets to come home on Wednesday!!!

If all goes well (she continues to eat all of her bottles), we will have a new baby keeping us awake all night long in just a few days. She passed her carseat test today, 4 pounds 4 1/2 ounces is totally adorable all snuggled up in a carseat.

She is also eating 40 cc's every 3 hours, she just has to keep it up. Tomorrow night we are scheduled to "room-in" with her at the hospital, just like we would after having a term baby. Then I actually get to prance out of the hospital with her.

Can you believe how much she has grown?!?!?!?!?

This is her new "big girl" bed...I decorated it :-)

For Halloween London was a Ghost!

She is so cute after her baths!

She loves to be naked!

If only feeding her was as easy as it looks!

This was her carseat challenge today!

London's First Bath

2008-10-24T19:17:00.001-07:00

So, bathing a 2 pound 14 ounce baby was not exactly an easy task. Her nurse taught me how to do it last night, but I am a little scared. I freaked out because they had to take all of her leads off of her in order to do it, and I was completely convinced that she was going to BRADY (when her brain forgets to tell her heart to continue to beat), and she was going to SAT (her oxygen saturation drops below 85%)...see you learn something on my blog :-) But she didn't, and it went as smooth as pie!!!

So...Daddy held her oxygen by her face, and Mommy got to listen to the wonderful nurse, so that next time I can do it all on my own!

It was Daddy's turn to hold her last night and she was wide awake and making lots of fun faces for him!!!

New London Pictures

2008-10-20T17:34:00.001-07:00

2008-10-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

I know that some of you know of our recent news, but for the few of you who do not know...

On October 4th I went into labor around 1 in the morning. I was sound asleep and thought that I had wet my pants since I had such a weak bladder during pregnancy, then it happened again around 2:30, and again around 4:30 only then did I realize that my water had broken. We rushed to the hospital, and they tried everything to stop my labor, but with no luck London Helene and Ryder James were born at 12:08 and 12:09 pm.

London was born first weighing in at 2 lbs 6 oz and Ryder second at 2 lbs 9 oz.Ryder left us on October 5th at 11:45, after only 34 short hours, and London is still in the NICU at Saint Mary's.

Ryder's services were on Tuesday, and were absolutely beautiful, and we feel so blessed that he was in our lives for even such a short time. I was blessed to give him what he needed to progress on, and he will be forever loved and missed everytime I see another little boy. London is our strength through this all, and we get to see him grow inside of her everyday.

Please keep her in your prayers, and we pray she will be home with us in only 8 more weeks. Here are a few pictures of my little angel!!

An Opinion Needed

2008-09-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

So...we have been going back and forth on names since before our children were even conceived.

Our little man has been Ryder James since last October I think....but our precious little one has been everything from Brooklyn, to Maizie. I was settled with Maizie Marguerite (Marguerite after my dear grandmother that passed away on Christmas Eve), but then only to find out Maize is a derivative of Marguerite...so now we were naming our child the same name...plus I wasn't sure if Maizie would make a suitable CEO :-)

So I then decided and was set on Bristol Maize...then Sarah Palin comes out of the blue with a daughter whose name is Bristol...

So my question that I pose to you is...do we go with Bristol, or should I start back at square one? I love the name, and it isn't that Bristol Palin is pregnant at 17...it is the simple fact....

WILL IT BECOME POPULAR LIKE CHELSEA DID WHEN THE CLINTON'S WERE IN OFFICE?

Baby Shower

2008-09-09T12:47:00.001-07:00

First and foremost....thank you again EVERYONE for coming, and overwhelming me with the amount of presents that I received. I still go into the babies room waiting for it all to disappear because I feel as though I am dreaming.

Debbie did such a beautiful job hosting the shower, in fact I burst into tears when I walked in and saw how much work she went to for the babies and myself. The entire nursery floor is stacked about halfway up the wall with gifts, not to mention each of the babies bed are full of tiny little accessories.

Would you believe that I received Juicy Couture snowsuits...does Debbie know me or what ;-)

Jon took so many pictures that it is so hard to post them all, so I will post a few and when I can figure out how to do a slideshow I will showcase some more.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family as well. My other Mom and Dad (Brian's parents) as well as my sister-in-law traveled all the way from Park City to spend the weekend with us, my sister flew in from San Diego, and my mom and dad made the trek to Reno after only 4 weeks post full hip replacement surgery. Jennifer and Elle Ray made the trip over the mountain from Discovery Bay, what amazing friends we have!! My shower would not have been the same without the love and the support from my family and friends, we love them so much, and are so thankful that they made the unselfish trip and traveled hours just for a few hours of fun! We love you guys!!!!!!

So...I will work on a slideshow and showcase all of the goofiness and fun that we had! Thanks again everyone for making this day so special!!!

22 Week

2008-08-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for a belly picture? I can't actually believe that I am posting this, but everyone is dying to see what twins looks like inside of me....so here I am 2 weeks ago.

Carmel

2008-08-13T09:49:00.001-07:00

We had such a wonderful time in Carmel!! We stayed with our dear friends from San Fransisco, thanks Patrick and Cyd!!! We came crashing in with our three children into their beautiful home that had ocean views and only blocks from Ocean Avenue.

We decided to take off and go on a whale watching excursion, in the freezing cold, so Brian and I actually had to buy one of those awful tourists fleeces in order to be able to bear the cold. The tour guide said it was an epic day, and they had never seen that many whales and dolphins on a trip. There was also a large sign stating that if you were pregnant you were not allowed on the boat, so I zipped up my tourist fleece and went anyways.

The wind was so strong that we were all worn out by the time we returned to land again. The boys were definitely showing it!

We had a beautiful sunset walk on the beach with Cyd, Patrick, and their adorable dog Louie.Forrest is too cool to play in the water with the kids...oh well! I guess he's just growing up :-(

On our way home we stopped at this fantastic restaurant that overlooked the ocean for breakfast. What a great fast trip!!!

Chan's 11th Birthday

2008-08-13T09:45:00.001-07:00

Since blogger wouldn't let me upload pictures the other day, here are pictures of Chan's birthday.

The Past Few Months...

2008-08-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

I FINALLY uploaded all of the pictures off of my camera from the past months and months, so here are the last few months of what our family has been up to.

In May I chaperoned Darby's field trip to Rancho San Rafeal, they had the opportunity to meet their pen pals from another school that they had been corresponding with for their entire 3rd grade year.

I took the kids hiking at Galena Creek, but my stinking camera wasn't charged, and so I didn't get too many pictures...sorry Forrest :-(

We celebrated Chandler's 11th birthday with a computer from Grandma and Grandpa Willey and Brian and I. He was so surprised, it was a perfect gift for him! (For some reason blogger will not let me upload his birthday...uggghhhh)

Father's Day was special this year for Brian. This is his last year being a Father to only 3 children, next year we will be celebrating with 5, what amazing blessings they all have been!

Over July 4th weekend we took the kids to Carmel, we didn't do much, but it was a great getaway. We went whale watching and saw over 100 humpback whales and around 500 dolphins. It was such a beautiful place, none of us had ever been to...and we will save those pictures for the next post.

It Has Been a While

2008-08-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

I felt guilty uploading the new ultrasound pictures (from July 1st) because I haven't uploaded ANY pictures of the other kids, but I am sitting at work ready to chop my wrists off for something fun to do, so I thought that I should do something a little less destructive.

On July 1st we found out we are having our perfect little package, a beautiful little girl, and a handsome little boy. I was so strung out going to our appointment because I just knew in my heart that we were having two boys! But once again, we were given the perfect gift.

We actually just had our "official" ultrasound done a couple of weeks ago, but I couldn't hold out to know, so I scheduled my own ultrasound and had the fun 3d/4d ultrasound done. It was so much fun!!!

Baby A is our little girl!!!

Baby B is our little boy!

Our Adorable Nursery

2008-07-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

We have gone with matching Caden Lane bedding in coordinating colors! They are oh soooo adorable...I can't wait to put it all together.

Our cribs are this crib, except they are in cherry!

Just a Bragging Moment

2008-07-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

I first off have to say that not many women can say the married a man with three children and they adore them as though they are their own. Not many women can say they have "perfect" step-children. Of course they have their moments, but what child doesn't and I would just think there was something really weird going on if they didn't have them every once in a while...

But then some times you just have to brag about how beautiful and wonderful children are, and there is nothing more beautiful than this...

Stantec Picnic

2008-07-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

Our IT guy just downloaded these great pictures from our family picnic this last weekend (of which are still on my camera) surprise...surprise! I am determined to get our trip to Carmel up as well as all the other fun stuff we have done over summer by the end of the weekend. I swear if I can't snag it from an internet site it doesn't happen anymore! Self motivation my friend, that is what I need!

Pray for a Better Week!

2008-07-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

I have to vent this out because frankly I still can't believe that our week went the way that it did.

Let's recap:

Monday - We went to Starbucks for an early morning pick me up when our debit card was declined...what do you mean its declined there is plenty there I had just deposited on Saturday. So we called Bank of America thinking that they had just shut it off because we were in Carmel the week prior when the told us that we were overdrawn $255. I immediately freaked, Brian thought I had spent his entire check, and then they tell us there is no pending deposit. So eventually we find that they had deposited our entire deposit into another persons account!

To top the night off I began leaking fluid around 8:00 for about a half an hour before I realized that I needed to go to the ER. Brian flies me to the ER where the triage nurse basically thinks I am an idiot who got knocked up and had no prenatal care, and that's when I thought my husband was going to take her out! After about 4 hours of waiting, my pants soaking (I looked seriously like I was sitting there with my pants urinated in) we finally decided to leave since they told us it would be just a few more hours before we saw someone. I thought I might as well sleep and go see the doctor in the morning.

Tuesday - All stinking morning I was calling my "new" OB because my old OB decided that as of September 12th they would no longer take our insurance, well that meant I was without OB. I was faxing releases like crazy to everywhere so that I could get in to see my "new" OB when my "old" OB called and said "Get in here!" Woohoo, someone cares!!! I learned that they are just renegotiating their contract and I will still be able to see him...Woohoo!!! But, as I was leaving for the doctor, I was wearing kitten heels and walked out the door, somehow got my heel caught in the rug kept walking, but my foot was planted, twisted and fell into all of the paint to paint the house that was at our back door! It was seriously a "Help I can't get up moment!"

Wednesday - Great day...We spent the day on the Lake with the Santoro's basking in the sun and loving every minute of it.

Thursday - Brian flooded the bathroom like the tsunami that hit Thailand and as I went to get into my PJ's I slid across the floor and took out my same hip that I did on Tuesday!

Friday - Scrambled out of work to go and get the kids from school at 2:30, when I realized I got there and no one was leaving that Forrest was the one getting out at 2:30, not Darby and Chandler.

Saturday - I took the kids to Stantec's family picnic, and had a great time, until that night when I left to get Brian from work and ran over Forrest's friends bike. Somehow I was able to hit the wheel just enough to pop the bike up and the bolt that holds on the back tire blew out the sidewall of the tire, but please don't fret the $50 bike wasn't hurt at all, the rim was not even bent! Brian had to get a ride home, and we then went to Jamie and Art's wedding (which was absolutely stunning), but we forgot our camera so no memories were caught.

Sunday - I don't know what happened to the air conditioning, but it went out and our house roasted us all at 85 degrees the entire day.

Please week be better than the last!!!

New Baby Pictures

2008-06-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

We met with our OB for the first time yesterday (we have been at the fertility clinic until now), and we love him. I didn't think that after we had such amazing care with Dr. W. and Dr. F. we could love anyone as much as them, but we do.

We had an ultrasound on Sunday because I was cramping really bad, and having some other not so pleasant issues, so we got to see the babies again.

Our OB was more interested in listening to their heartbeats than he was how cute they are. I laughed so hard when I looked at the pictures. I though that I was getting good at looking at ultrasounds, but this is like Where's Waldo, but Where's Baby???

An Update

2008-06-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have been completely slacking at blogging. We have done fun things this month, but I have yet to take the pictures off of my camera to download them.

Chandler turned 11, and he received a computer from my mom and dad, and Brian and I...he was sooo surprised. We have been hiking a couple of times, and all of the kids are now out of school.

The babies are busily growing, and sucking every bit of energy out of me, but I love to sleep, so I really don't mind it too much :-)

I will get some requested belly pictures posted as well as our fun times with the kids, and the new ultrasound pictures of the adorable little ones that are rapidly growing inside of me.

The String of Ultrasounds

2008-05-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

So...these past couple of weeks have been oh so hard to keep secret, but I managed to suceed. We found out on April 22nd that we were having twins, but that Baby A may not make it. We prayed like crazy for the little tike, and are now ready to announce to the world that I am having twins!! We are due December 12th, two days after my birthday, and 10 days after Darby's, and 5 days after my mother-in-law, so the chances of them hitting a birthday are very high. Between twins, Christmas, and Darby our Christmas shopping must now be done with by August in order to have saved enough money to afford to play Santa for our basketball team of children :-)

So, here are my ultrasound pictures. Baby A's heartbeat is now beating at 173 beats per minute and Baby B's heartbeat is beating at 158 beats per minute, it really caught up! I am convinced we are having boys, but who knows what you can believe! We heard the heartbeats yesterday morning, and it was the first time that I actually felt pregnant. Woohoo, my babies sound like they are running a marathon!

April 29th

May 4th

Ohhhh Babies!!!

2008-05-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

Brian and I are pleased to announce that we are pregnant with twins. Two babies are now busily growing inside of me, and I have never felt better. No morning sickness, no anything! I am 8 weeks along and feeling great.

We were in Las Vegas for our wonderful friends wedding at the Four Seasons, it was a spectacular event!

But, along with having twins comes holy cow I look like I am 4 months along...opps! That would really only be about 2 :-) So I thought I would share our cute little baby bump as well as my hot husband!

Have You Been Waiting For the News???

2008-04-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

I know that I said I would wait to write, but dangit! I have to tell the world. I am just praying that all my numbers continue to go up, but Brian and I received the phone call on Friday confirming that we have a little something something growing inside me. I think its a litter of puppies because I still don't believe it!!!

Our 1 year anniversary is tomorrow! What great news to celebrate the day with!

1st Baby Pictures

2008-03-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Look at our cute embryos!

Two Beautiful Babies

2008-03-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, I have been on bed rest for the past 4 days letting our two beautiful, little embryos implant into my uterus.

On Tuesday we transferred 2 embryos, one of which the doctor said was so perfect it must be a girl, the other a little weird looking, but all in all a great set of babies. It was amazing watching the babies be transferred into my uterus. We felt so blessed to witness our own conception. We are now just playing a waiting game. One more week until we can take the conclusive blood test (don't kid yourself though, I am peeing on a stick every morning! So far they have all been positive!)

This picture was taken right after they transferred the babies, if you look closely at the ultrasound you can see two little dots, that's the babies! Amazing!

Brian took a not so great picture, but you can see the two little embryos on the far right as one big white blob.

This picture is a little bit better at separating the two little ones! I pray that they both take, am I nuts for wanting twins???

This Could Very Well Be...

2008-03-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

the last day that I don't have a little something something growing inside of me.

My egg retrieval was moved up to Saturday morning instead of Easter Sunday. They originally thought that I had 30 follicles that were beautiful and waiting to hatch into little Courtney and Brian's. I overstimulated at the beginning of the week, and I just knew that we were going to be done, because you can't overstimulate. They got me back on track, and retrieved a day early.

Of course, Brian took some lovely videos of me with no makeup, hair back with no product, glasses, and in sweats, those I think we will save for our children when they are grown.

We went back, I have no veins left in either of my arms because I have been poked about 80 times and they are all blown. The Anesthesiologist however took my warning of leaving the top of my hand out of it, and found a nice vein in my left arm (which mind you had been poked about 8 times within the week prior). I went to sleep nicely, woke up with this amazing heating pad on me and my wonderful husband sitting next to me.

Dr. W. came in and said out of the 30 beautiful follicles only 11 were mature enough to use, the rest either were too small, or didn't have an egg inside of them. Bummer...only 11...that's okay right??? No answer, he didn't want to tell me one way or the other.

Next, it's Brian's turn. Needless to say I will not go into any details, if you would like to do a google search on PESA, you can then say that my husband loves me unconditionally. I sat with him rubbing his head, as they cannot numb the inside of the vein, they can only numb the outside, and he was in pain. The first sample looks beautiful...a beautiful sample with no sperm.

No sperm, I am thinking, we didn't go over this scenario in our head. We never even thought that he wouldn't have any...it has only been 3 years since his vasectomy. They go in for round 2...

At this time I am shedding my clothing as the temperature of 97.3 degrees is starting to affect my breathing. I finally decide I need to leave the room, and as I do I pass out in the waiting room. 30 more minutes go by, and by this time I am crying and consumed with, "why didn't we think about this!" We had prepared ourselves for everything else!

Finally Traci, the godsend of a nurse, pokes her head out the door and yells, "We have swimmers!" I immediately run back to see my husband laying down, all I can do is just tell him how much I love him for doing this!

Sunday morning we have another appointment to receive our progesterone, and have more blood work done. More blood work, I have no more veins. So after 8 pokes, and no luck, they hit the same stinking vein that the previous 8 pokes plus the IV was in! Ahhhh!!!

We were at the doctor's office so long that we missed church, of all days that we needed to go! So we took off for Winnemucca a little early. About half way there the phone call came.

Out of the 11 total follicles 6 were mature, and 5 fertilized. So that means we have 5 little Brian and Courtney's toasting in a petri-dish! Woohoo...

Transfer is tomorrow at 1:30. Everyone should call Brian and tell him what a trooper he is! After this, I know that there is no one that can love me as much as he does!

Belly Wounds

2008-03-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

I have determined that I look like a junkie. I look like I have track marks on my stomach, and to top it off my right side is bruised. I just thought I would share in this wondrous occasion.

Antiphospholipid Antibodies...Big Word...Big Meaning

2008-03-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

We are well underway into our cycle. I have begun giving myself my stimulation medications (3 shots per day mind you), Monday I go for a blood test to determine if I am getting enough hormone or not enough to produce enough follicles.

With my age, I can be overstimulated, which then I will be disqualified from the study, or I may not be stimulated enough because they are holding back on the stimulation medications, but that really isn't what this blog is about...

I am really really excited to become pregnant, and I really feel that when you work as hard as we have worked in order to do this whole thing, that the let down is even more if by chance it doesn't work. And the let down may be even greater if by chance you have something called Antiphospholipid Antibodies.

I was diagnosed with 4 strains of this disorder, which is a blood clotting disorder that doesn't allow the blood to pass through the uterus into the placenta to nourish the baby. There are a few strains of it and I have the strain causing 1st trimester miscarriages as well as the type causing 2nd and 3rd trimester still births/miscarriages.

With this new found news, what are our options....Heparin shots twice daily for 32 weeks of my pregnancy. I should be a real junkie if this all works out right.

So...are we telling anybody...the answer would be no. We are going to wait until I make it into the 2nd trimester, but I am sure that all of you will be able to guess if there is nothing about it, because I will tell everyone if by chance it doesn't work. I will just not be ready to go public with it for a while, which is what a lot of people do anyways.

So...the end of the month is retreival and transfer. Pray that it will all be okay!

Injection Day #1

2008-03-03T15:37:00.001-08:00

Today, bright and early Brian and I headed over to the fertility clinic to learn how to administer shots. Pinch an inch, shoot it like a dart, squeeze the plunger, and remove. Easy right...

Um no, after the 4th, 1, 2, 3 go! I finally did it, to my surprise, it didn't hurt at all, I just felt a little weird inflicting said pain onto myself. When it was all said and done, it felt like a little bee sting, but nothing that I couldn't live with.

My next injections begin next Wednesday. On Wednesday I will begin giving myself three injections a day, I should be a real gem, living in my bedroom by the time this is all said and done.

It's True, It's Real, and Dangit...It's Happening SOON!

2008-02-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

On Valentine's Day I had the "real" appointment with Dr. F. Brian was not able to attend this oh so special appointment, but I was, and that's all that stinking matters.

Of course I went through the typical routine, blood work, pee test, weight, height, yadda yadda. Then I got to go back into the little nurse's office where I had no idea that the next hour and a half of my life would be a heatwave of information thrown at me so fast, and with no one there to hold my hand.

We were given our final schedule, and let me tell you, the next month and a half of my life is so planned that I am scared to go to the bathroom without asking permission first.

We have gone over what I can and can't do (and thankfully for going to church I have eliminated a lot of my old habits), but still, no pain killers (ahhhhh I have the worst headache today), if I have an issue I must write it down and state whether or not it hurts kinda bad, really bad, or shoot me I am going to die bad....then if I do cave and take something, I must write it all down in my handy dandy notebook. And, my study number is 007/006, I was kind of upset that I wasn't double 007, that would have been great!

I now have birth control, prenatal vitamins, and two large bags full of needles, vials of drugs, alcohol pads, and anything else you can think of that is injected into your butt or stomach. Looking forward to that one.

We then go over my appointments and what is going on. If all works out correctly, we will be doing our egg retreival on Easter Sunday, and transfer on Wednesday of that week. And if you all remember correctly Brian and I got married on Easter Sunday. Coincidence...I think not! THIS IS MEANT TO BE!

I have about 8 appointments total in March, and by the second week of April we should know whether we are having a baby or babies. I only get one shot at this, so dangit, I am taking all that I can get!

I keep inviting people to our conception, I told Brian that I would like him to play soft music and have flowers and give me a massage while we are watching our little babies be placed into my womb. I mean come on...how many people get to watch their little ones 3 days of dividing into 3 trillion cells be placed into your little belly to be made into little humans??? Call me silly, but it is remarkable.

March 3rd is our next appointment, wish us luck, this is when Brian learns to inject me with Lupron.

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-15T11:05:00.001-08:00

Cupid came to visit the kids a couple of nights ago, and brought them mounds of candy and a stuffed animal that acts like a pillow and snores.

They loved it!

An In-Vitro Update

2008-02-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

We haven't had much baby news as the study was a few weeks late.

I had my water ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, and they found no fibroids inside of my uterus, or anything that they felt would cause the fetus to not stick to in the womb. This was exciting news! So...we have now completed all of our blood work, and we know that we are not HIV positive :-), and also all of my hormone levels are normal. This is lots of good news for us!

I am just playing a waiting game now. I will have two more cycles before we begin the medications, and we are shooting for the week of the 22nd of March to do egg retrieval and implantation.

This means if all goes right we will find out if we are pregnant by the first part of April, it takes 10 days from the date of conception to test whether or not the "babies" made it.

Wish us luck, we are praying that everything goes smoothly, and we never have to do this again!

...Chandler Takes The Pinewood Derby

2008-01-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

So, we have been actively attending church now, and Chandler has decided that he would like to be a Cub Scout. This Sunday he got his pinewood derby car, and the cub scout leader told me that she felt bad because the other boys had had a few weeks to make theirs. Brian took that as a front, and he and Chandler made an undefeated car. Can you imagine being a cub scout, going to scout meetings every Wednesday, and this punk kid comes in and takes it? Chandler was ecstatic, but I think he had an even prouder dad.

His car was modeled after a Porsche GT-2.

Chandler received his very own Pinewood Derby Driver's License.

No one ever came closer than 2 feet of catching him, even through the finals.

Darby and Forrest were sitting in the sidelines rooting their brother on.

When it was all over with Chandler took the entire Pinewood Derby undefeated, and even won the craftsman award for his awesome car. We were so proud of him!

Sock Puppets

2007-12-30T16:46:00.000-08:00

Today, while Brian was at work, the kids and I sewed sock creatures. They are the cutest things ever! The kids learned to thread their own needles, stitch, and put their animal together. I told the boys that they needed to learn to do things, like sew on buttons, as they may be single until they are 30 and not have a wife or girlfriend to do it for them. Forrest thought that only Chandler would be single that long! So fun!

Christmas 2007

2007-12-30T16:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve 2007 we all said goodbye to Grandma Bunney. The shock was evident as I broke down at 8:00 pm with dinner guests over. I knew that she said goodbye to us the night before Christmas so that she could spend Christmas with Grandpa, and wake up with her family and watch the excitement after seeing that Santa came to visit. She said goodbye peacefully in her own bed with family nearby. Grandma came to visit us setting off an alarm at midnight, I am sure to say, "It's Christmas!" She then set it off at 12:10, I am convinced that she did, as that is my birthday, and she never has missed a card until this year (Brian also reset the alarm and turned it off)

Christmas morning was filled with excitement as the kids woke to see what Santa had brought for them.

A new BMX bike for they boys, and a Nintendo DS for Darby.

After the kids left, Brian and I headed out to Winnemucca to give my mom a hug and spend the rest of the day with my family.

What a great day, lots of memories shared, family close, and Rhonda was able to be with us from San Diego. A few years ago, I don't think you could have told me my family would be this important, but it is now so evident...they are my everything!

**Side Note - This year we did not get the best photos for Christmas, the kids were way too interested to take pictures, and so needless to say they weren't the best. Oh well, I guess there is next year!**

Darby's Christmas Program

2007-12-30T15:59:00.001-08:00

Darby was so adorable at her Christmas Program. She made us all smile, and remember the true meaning of Christmas. To laugh, to smile, to love!

A Year Back In Review

2007-12-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

I can look back over this past year, and realize that it was just "us" this year. No memories of what "was" at the beginning of the year prior.

This year was a tremendous year, with lots of memories and fun things that we all accomplished as a family.

Trials and tribulations have been evident in our lives, but we have stuck through it all, been thankful each day that we wake up with a healthy family, put a smile on our faces and walk down the street with the confidence that it will all eventually come our way.

My dearest sister-in-law, Shauna, sent us a book today with a title that is unforgettable, and means so much to our place in life. "If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" This definitely struck a chord with us. We are thankful looking back over the last year for the family ties that we have.

Christmas last year was fun, my parents shared the day with us, and it was my first Christmas waking up with children of my own to watch open presents, and it was also Brian's first Christmas in a new family unit.

Mom and Brian made Christmas dinner.

While Dad and Lola took a nap.

Easter 2007 brought a new meaning to new beginnings with Brian and my decision to run off to Las Vegas to elope. After the hassles of nothing going right while planning a wedding, we made the best choice ever to run away together and do it for ourselves.

On Mother's Day Weekend my mom surprised us by having a little family reception and a cake for us to smear all over each others faces.

Not only was April 8th our wedding day, but my brother-in-law, Bob, while serving in Iraq flew an American flag over Iraq in honor of Brian. On Mother's Day Brian was given the flag that was flown just for him.

I don't have any pictures right now, but in May Brian and I attended his family reunion in Florida and had such a sweet time. We ventured to the Keys with Trevor and Calee, for a pseudo honeymoon...couldn't have asked for a better time!

Finally after 40 some odd years, my sister Rhonda married for the first time. I can honestly say that this was probably my mom's happiest day of her life. Rhonda and Bob decided to come to Reno on short notice, so my dad was not able to be there, but I made the bouquets and did Rhonda's hair, and it was absolutely beautiful. Not as cool as our wedding, but close :-)

In June we celebrated Chandler's birthday at the water park. It was tons of fun, with good memories.

My sister Kerri, my niece, and I also went to Wyoming to visit my grandmothers and also to celebrate my Grandma Willey's 90th birthday party. What a phenomenal celebration! (Sorry Mom, I know that Dad has something on his shirt, but come on...if he didn't would it really be right?)

This picture is hard for me to post because I know that it is the last picture that I was able to take with my dear Grandma Bunney. She was diagnosed with cancer, and it has taken over her body. It is even harder at Christmas time to know that it was the last. I had such a great time while there, and so happy I made the 19 hour trek to visit with her one last time, and tell her all about my new family.

Over July 4th weekend we made an impromptu trip to Fort Bragg, California with the kids. We had no reservations, no plans, we just took off for the coast, and we had a blast for 3 straight days.

We stopped at a hole in the wall on the way through to have breakfast, and took a scenic shot.

When we got there, it was foggy, and freezing. We stopped for a quick picture, but quickly got back into the warm car.

We found a Holiday Inn Express, that had a pool, and we swam for the night, and stayed inside. The next day was beautiful and we spent the day at the beach playing.

And at the end of the day we went for a scenic hike to watch the sunset.

The following day we hiked to a lighthouse overlooking the ocean.

We then found ourselves at the beautiful Glass Beach, where we could play in the waves, and look at all of the beautiful ocean glass.

And on our final day, we took a family horse ride on the beach. It was absolutely the funniest thing we have ever done. The seals were having their babies, and they were covering rocks within our site, and playing in the ocean.

Darby and Chandler began school in July after we returned home, and by the end of July Darby was already star student. We prepared a super cute board to tell about her favorite things and family.

Darby and Chandler have found a love for cooking and baking, of course Brian and I love the help in the kitchen!

Forrest celebrated his 13th birthday party at the skatepark with his good friend Jeremy.

And we were luck enough to have Granny here to celebrate with us.

Brian turned 36 and he spent the beginning part of August in Park City playing in the Kemosabi Golf Tournament with his brother. He had loads and loads of fun, and we were all able to get together at a fun function.

Gotta' Love Trevor!

Darby began cheerleading, and I coached. Our team placed 4th at competition.

The rest of the year has been so busy, with not much to talk about.

We find ourselves at this time of year caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and the holidays I sit back and just remember how blessed our life has been this year regardless of how hard it is. We have something that money can't buy, and it is a true family, with true values, and a family that truly loves every one of us.

Happy Holidays to all!

Christmas Parties

2007-12-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

Since Brian and I have both gone back to work, we have had two weekends of back to back Christmas parties. We both really enjoy our jobs, and are truly thankful to have them, but really enjoyed dressing up and going out for a night on the town!

A Day of Sledding

2007-12-17T12:56:00.000-08:00

Today, I am just full of posts, but if I don't get this done now...will I ever?

The answer is probably not, which means that it will eventually get so overwhelming I will just give up!

So, yesterday the kids and I all went sledding on Mount Rose, while Brian stayed and worked in the valley. He was kind of sad, but happy that we were doing things and not just sitting at home.

Darby and I went down together and in the process she took a flying piece of snow to the eye. She quickly recovered in the car after calling her dad to tell him that she had a 4-inch gash in her forehead, and we thought she may need stitches. As the picture below clearly shows, she recovered remarkably, and was laughing uncontrollably!

Needless to say we all had a great time, and when we were through we ventured down the hill, to the store, and home to have soup and hot chocolate.

Tree Decorating and Slipper Party

2007-12-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am just now getting around to uploading all of these photos to share.

We had a pajama/slipper party, and the kids decorated their own tree. Their tree was complete with ornaments of their choosing, the craziest tree topper (which Brian thought was the ugliest thing he had ever seen, and of course insisted on getting it), candy canes, and my favorite icicles.

Icicles hold a special place in my heart, because my mother wouldn't allow me to put them on the tree because they made too big of a mess.

**Side Note** Yes Mother, I see why you said no now, I don't think my vaccuum cleaner works anymore!

We even made Lola appear festive.

The kids made stands of garland out of fruit loops.
We all wore our crazy slippers, and had lots of fun!

Darby's Party at Girly Girl

2007-12-17T11:51:00.000-08:00

Darby's birthday party was a huge hit with her friends, and she had such a great time. At the end she even won a free makeover.

This, mind you was my very first attempt at a birthday party, and hosting as the "mom" I think it went great!

Girly Girl was awesome. They did a complete makeover on the girls, beginning with hair first.

And then of course, they did their nails and makeup. And when they were through, and while they were waiting they were able to get onstage and sing Hannah Montana and watch themselves on a television screen, just like they were onstage.

We then finished off the day with Darby's favorite chocolate cake with purple icing.

And in the end we did the Charlie Brown dance, and I of course danced with the girls and made a complete fool out of myself after "criss-crossing" and stepping on Darby's foot in heels.

This was such a fun, fun girl day! One not that will that will not be forgotten anytime soon!

Darby Turns 9

2007-12-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

As the days go on the kids get older, sad story, but a true one. Darby this year has had three complete days of birthdays.

Friday, November 30th, she was glowing off to school with cupcakes, and of course her "Birthday Girl" sash so that everyone knew that it was Her day.

After school we met my parents at PF Changs for an early birthday dinner. Darby opened her gifts from Brian and I since Brian had to work during Darby's party on Saturday.

The boys especially enjoyed themselves.

We save the best for last...Darby finally got her very own American Girl doll, Julie, and she looks almost identical to her except she has brown eyes.

And of course she finished off dinner with The Great Wall of Chocolate.

Look forward to her actual birthday party post at Girly Girl USA.

The Infamous Dr. F.

2007-11-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

10:15 this morning my heart raced, my palms were sweating, and I was ready for a change of clothes after the anticipation of this morning's appointment.

As I sit here at 4:30 in the afternoon, while Brian is at work, I have had a complete breakdown after today. I ask myself so many times why is it that we are not in control of something that we should be in control of? Why do you try for years to not do something, but when the time is right every external being and situation takes what you thought was in your control and throws it out the window? I sit here and say to myself "YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!"

After waiting for 30 minutes we are called back, "Courtney and Brian, Dr. F. will see you now." We walk down a hallway, which seems miles long, into a nicely organized office with beautiful leather chairs. I am upset with Brian, as he becomes more nervous he makes silly jokes that I am not in the mood to handle. Shannon comes in to wish us luck with Dr. F., and tells us that he is reading my file right now.

Dr. F.walks into his office as though we own it, knocking on the door, and graciously introducing himself to us. He begins by asking us if we know what we are doing, yadda yadda, and explains how the IVF cycle works. He then drills me candidly regarding my medical past.

He tells me what the infection of my previous surgery did to my reproductive organs, the endometriosis is severe and regardless of whether or not my partner had a vasectomy, I would still be looking at him to have a child in the future. I have known for a few years now that my chances of conception normally were slim to none, but to look at a fertility doctor, a notarized guru in the area of reproduction, with credentials that I cannot even begin to fathom; I am now staring at the ultimate truth.

With my husband sitting next to me, he can tell I am hearing too much. "We continue on with what we will be doing in the study, with a follow-up of your blood tests will begin on the second day of your next menstrual cycle, and it appears that you should be starting any day." Here we are jumping in with both feet, and with Dr. F.'s calculations we have a 60% chance of being pregnant by the beginning of February.

So here we are, this big secret, and the only thing I can tell is my blog!

I hope and pray this is everything and more than I could have ever expected.

Secrets...Secrets...Secrets

2007-11-26T17:52:00.001-08:00

Well, since no one knows about this blog, my secret is safely kept...that is until we are ready to let the cat out of the bag, and then you all can read it from day one.

The end of October marked a pivotal moment in both mine and Brian's lives. It was that day my doctor said to us if we wanted to have children, we needed to start now, time was not on our side. Brian and I took that information out the door that day and with somber tones in our voices we realized that our options were so limited.

Option 1: In Vitro Fertilization - This option was the one that for both of us seemed to work in our heads, but financially speaking, how where we going to come up with the $20,000 + in order to do this in the time frame needed to do it?

Option 2: Sperm Donation - This option seemed cost effective to at least "Try" to get pregnant, but we both decided that we couldn't bare to raise a child that wasn't both of ours.

Option 3: Adoption - Adoption agencies in the USA will not allow you to adopt if you have 2 biological children, and agencies outside of the country require marriage of at least 2 years.

Our options seemed to be dwindling away, but we still had hope. I prayed every night that Brian's vasectomy would just grow back together, and that I would someday be able to go to him to say "Honey we are pregnant!"

When Brian and I were in the baby stages of our relationship it was never denied that I wanted to be a mother, he and I both decided that if we continued down the path of marriage, he would be selfish to not allow me to experience something he values and cherishes so much. We both knew that eventually we would have a child together, but didn't realize that we would be faced with making the decision so soon.

On Halloween night a phone call was received from our dear friend Shannon, who is a nurse Practitioner for the fertility clinic here. She gave Brian the news that Progesterone is doing a clinical trial and they are looking for 10-12 women nationwide to try this new drug out on, and was wondering if we would consider being one of the couples to try this. We are in the baby stages of In-Vitro at no cost to us, other than the costs of having a baby.

I have my first appointment tomorrow morning, and can't wait to begin this trip into motherhood. I prayed to God every night and every day that I would be a great mom if he would just allow me the opportunity. With my prayers, God has given me this opportunity, this baby will truly be a Child of God!

I look forward to updating this with fun news all the time!

The Reason Why...

2007-08-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

My good friend's Marielle and Sam have a blog that they update with great pictures of their adventures and their life. It is so much fun to log in every now and then to see what they have been up to. We hope that you enjoy reading about what our family is doing, and the fun that we are having!