**Light A Candle In Remembrance**

So some days I have really bad days and I decide to do things like watch YouTUBE videos to make myself feel better about people who have also lost a child. This some days helps me to realize that I am not the only one out there who is suffering from this pain.

I started seeing a grief counselor and she told me that I was doing terrific, and validated my feelings of sometimes hating other pregnant women. I'm not talking pregnant women who have the means necessary to raise a child, whether it be monetarily or emotionally. I hate the young girls who are just able to get pregnant on a whim after their rendezvous with their boyfriends in the front seat of his mustang. Or the young girls in their 20's not married, 4 kids already, with no means to support the next one. Or what about the ones you see smoking while pregnant? Or even better, when you are driving down the road, and you peer over to the person next to you...they are smoking, with 3 children in car seats in the back, and the windows rolled up?

I never used to think twice while driving past the abortion clinic, looking at the protesters waving their signs saying "Support Life." Oh, I thought, it should be a woman's right to choose...or should it? The other night I felt inclined to get out of my car and light a candle with all of the other people there. How is it that there are so many unwanted children in this world, but their mother's are so selfish they will not give them to the one's who can take care of them? How is it that some let abuse happen at the hands of other men in their homes, and choose to do nothing about it because they are selfish?

I have to constantly question how it is that I ate everything perfectly, I never would even go into a casino where there would be smoking, I was married, we wanted our baby and the Lord took him, but yet he allows other women the ability to continue to produce them like a baby factory, and he takes that pleasure of motherhood away from some, and some he just never gives it to.

How is it that our insurance paid over $250,000 for London to be brought into this world, and a fraction of that we have to pay ($5,000), yet these women of baby factories can take our tax dollars and receive free medical care...and I still have to pay for that? Did you know that we still had to pay about $2000 for Ryder, and he's not even here anymore, plus I had to take our COBRA package to the tune of $900 a month, just so insurance would pay a portion of that $250,000, but yet everyday that I didn't re-up my COBRA plan the business office was screaming down my throat because I would have been held liable for the portion after my insurance policy terminated!

Am I on a soap box or what....I really started this post to tell you about a memorial site that I created for Ryder. Visit www.gonetoosoon.org and you can search for him by Ryder Williams or look in Reno, Nevada...searching in Reno seems to be the easiest way to find him! I would love to hear what you think about this all, and maybe in a couple of days I will continue on my soap box...right now I need to go get in the shower!