On Wednesday this week, I finally did it. I got up the strength to order Ryder's headstone. I hadn't done it yet because I knew that it was the last thing to do. I felt it appropriate as I took him his monthly balloons, on their "birthday" to finally get it done.
I was finally ready to do it. I hadn't done it previously because it was the last thing to do, other than write my thank you notes (sorry guys, I just haven't had it in me to do it, please know that I thank you!!)
So we walked in, "no tears" I promised myself, this is a happy time, a time of remembrance. Sister Ophelia remembered us, and she couldn't wait to pick up London from her car seat and parade her around the office.
As I sat with Brian, "no tears," I looked through the books to find just the perfect memorial for my perfect little man! How would I ever find the perfect thing, nothing is ever perfect...until I turned to page C-408. A headstone with 3 balloons...3 balloons, how juvenile, yet how incredibly perfect. I laughed as the date on the picture said December 1983. Ironic, that is my birthday.
Ryder's "It's a Boy" balloon lasted over 7 weeks in the corner of our bedroom, we take him balloons every month on his birthday, one white balloon to send him, and a blue balloon for each month, this month it was 4! How fitting to have balloons.
I can't wait to post a picture of it, but it says:
"Our Perfect Son"
Ryder James Williams
October 4-5, 2008
"Mommy, Daddy, and London Love You!"
We debated over and over again how to write the last line, I wasn't budging on Mommy and Daddy, and I really felt that I needed to tie in London, as she was...still is, his twin, but how to do it without the other kids? We didn't have enough room, so after a prayer, we felt that the other kids would understand the special link...I hope! We will explain it to them when it gets here.
Here is a video that I have been working on, it isn't done, I have tons more to add to the beginning, but I hope that you enjoy it so far!
Make sure your sound is on!
4 comments:
That video was remarkable! What a blesssing to have so many pictures. You two are so amazing! Such great parents, and I am so very proud of you both for your strength and for knowing in your heart when the times comes to move forward on things. Ryder's sweet little perfect spirit will be a constant blessing in your lives, and will help you remember what is really important in this life. I still feel the pain, and honestly draw from your strength. Heavenly Father is guiding your lives, and will continue to guide you in the decisions you make, and Little London will bring you more joy than you can even imagine! How can a mother be so blessed to have you two as their child? The tombstone is perfect, just like Ryder. Everything you have chosen down to the music has been perfect, and only fitting for the sacrifice you are enduring. I love cherish you and the children and the example you are to everything. Even though your heart is breaking, you go on, taking care of the other children and trying to be strong. "You will be blessed, I promise you that."
Mom W
Courtney,
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your life with us. That video was gorgeous. Look forward to the rest of it at the right time. I am so glad that you have so much strength. You are such an inspiration to so many people. I can't imagine how tough it has been to mourn and yet celebrate at the same time. You've done such a wonderful job at it. Ryders spirit will be a constant blessing in your lives. I think it is great that you have been celebrating his life and taking him ballons everymonth. That can't come easy. I know it is probablly such a heartache to go to his gravesight. I'm so proud of you that you were able to go and get the headstone picked out. It sounds so perfect. So fitting for all you've been through. So much is so ironic about it too. Can't wait to see a picture. Stay strong! We love you so much! We are always here if you ever need anything. No matter when it is don't hesitate to contact us. When you are up to it call or e-mail. I miss hearing from you. Luv Always,
Kamri
Keep blogging I love looking at your blog and staying updated. You're amazing!!!
Hey Courtney-
I loved your video..it was precious. I know that I told you about my sister who had invitro and is pregnant with twin girls. Well we are in the hospital today because she has preclampsia and they are going to deliver the babies at 29 weeks. All to familiar to you I know. I wanted to tell you so that you can pray for her (Annie) and her precious babies, and also if you have any words of wisdom for her being that you have been through this exact thing. I love looking at your blog and seeing your beautiful girl growing so big and strong. Anyways, leave a comment on my blog and let me know what you think. Take care-
Leigh
My dear cousin,
Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life. The video is perfection! I am so proud of you for loving and learning and sharing. This life is full of trying to understand the miracles around us. I know your babies are miracles, they have touched so many people! I can not begin to understand the pain that comes from this experience but you and your beautiful family are showing the strength of the human spirit. My you be comforted and loved through all of this. I love you dear cousin, I am so proud to be part of your family!
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