The Infamous Dr. F.

10:15 this morning my heart raced, my palms were sweating, and I was ready for a change of clothes after the anticipation of this morning's appointment.

As I sit here at 4:30 in the afternoon, while Brian is at work, I have had a complete breakdown after today. I ask myself so many times why is it that we are not in control of something that we should be in control of? Why do you try for years to not do something, but when the time is right every external being and situation takes what you thought was in your control and throws it out the window? I sit here and say to myself "YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!"

After waiting for 30 minutes we are called back, "Courtney and Brian, Dr. F. will see you now." We walk down a hallway, which seems miles long, into a nicely organized office with beautiful leather chairs. I am upset with Brian, as he becomes more nervous he makes silly jokes that I am not in the mood to handle. Shannon comes in to wish us luck with Dr. F., and tells us that he is reading my file right now.

Dr. F.walks into his office as though we own it, knocking on the door, and graciously introducing himself to us. He begins by asking us if we know what we are doing, yadda yadda, and explains how the IVF cycle works. He then drills me candidly regarding my medical past.

He tells me what the infection of my previous surgery did to my reproductive organs, the endometriosis is severe and regardless of whether or not my partner had a vasectomy, I would still be looking at him to have a child in the future. I have known for a few years now that my chances of conception normally were slim to none, but to look at a fertility doctor, a notarized guru in the area of reproduction, with credentials that I cannot even begin to fathom; I am now staring at the ultimate truth.

With my husband sitting next to me, he can tell I am hearing too much. "We continue on with what we will be doing in the study, with a follow-up of your blood tests will begin on the second day of your next menstrual cycle, and it appears that you should be starting any day." Here we are jumping in with both feet, and with Dr. F.'s calculations we have a 60% chance of being pregnant by the beginning of February.

So here we are, this big secret, and the only thing I can tell is my blog!

I hope and pray this is everything and more than I could have ever expected.